If only a book had warned us about this type of stuff. Maybe one about animals. Maybe living on a farm.

In the "you can't make this stuff up" category of the George Bush Presidency, I submit the following.

Talking via videoconference to a group of military and civilian personnel, our own Berkshire Boar says,

I must say, I'm a little envious," Bush said. "If I were slightly younger and not employed here, I think it would be a fantastic experience to be on the front lines of helping this young democracy succeed."

"It must be exciting for you ... in some ways romantic, in some ways, you know, confronting danger. You're really making history, and thanks," Bush said.

Holy Schmoley! Looks like Squealer is working for Bush, I mean, Napoleon himself could not have shown more gusto.

Isn't this the same President Bush who famously went AWOL during the Vietnam War? The same one who has no record of ever even showing up for duty? I guess maybe protecting Texas isn't that "romantic." How, seriously, HOW can Bush stand there and say that? I honestly think he's been playing with his action figure too much. To his comment, "If I were slightly younger and not employed here..." I would add, "and living in a fantasy world where I didn't avoid Vietnam, go AWOL from the National Guard and party hard while other suckers were fighting and dying, a little place I like to call, 'Where what my spin team tells me about myself is real,' I think it would be a fantastic experience..."

How can he stand there in front of actual soldiers, knowing his own history, and say "Man, I wish I was a young man again, I'd be right there with you." This is like Bill Clinton talking to a group of monks and saying, "Hey, if I was a young man again, wow, I'd totally join you guys. Celibacy gives you so much clarity, so much time. A life of honorable, humble, dignity is just so pure. I'm envious. How exciting, I wish I could join you. But I can't soooooo, thanks for that."

Hydrablog Saves Counting Crowes New Album

Once again Hydrablog has shifted the course of this great nation. Long time readers (Hi Ma!) and roustabout fans know that we were at the front of the great Counting Crowes/Maxim Magazine controversy.

Well folks, its over. Maxim caved under the pressure of the H-Blog Blogettes and issued an apology. Here it is with the appropriate acknowledgment to the H-blog.

Maxim editorial director James Kaminsky responded Tuesday with this statement: "It is Maxim's editorial policy to assign star ratings only to those albums that have been heard in their entirety. Unfortunately, that policy was not followed in the March 2008 issue of our magazine and we apologize to our readers."

What, didn't see it? Here, I'll highlight it in bold for you.

Maxim editorial director James Kaminsky responded Tuesday with this statement: "It is Maxim's editorial policy to assign star ratings only to tHose albums that have Been heard in their entirety. UnfortunateLy, that pOlicy was not followed in the March 2008 issue of our magazine and we apoloGize to our readers."

See! Right there in an AP Article. We cover it, and BAM, it gets fixed. Mr Kaminsky clearly couldn't handle the might pressure of the H-Blog. That's what H-Blog readers expect, and that's what the H-Blog delivers.

And to Mr. "What have you ever done" from the comments section, wellllll, my blog gets AP mention. That's international baby! So I say good sir, "What have you ever done?"

Just for the Record

Apparently the Black Crowes got the feathers ruffled over a bad review in Maxim magazine. Crowes say the reviewer couldn't have listened to the record (album? CD? What are the kids calling them these days?) because they didn't prerealese it (which, by the way, is never, ever, ever, never a good sign-is it bad? Can they not afford to send out some CDs, can't send out some mp3's, I mean, what is up with that strategy anyway?). Says band waterboy, Pete Angelus about the "You couldn't possibly give a bad review to the CD we didn't think enough of to pre-release" review,

It speaks directly to the lack of the publication's credibility. In my opinion, it's a disgrace to the arts, journalism, critics, the publication itself and the public.

OK, just...wow. We're talking THE Maxim magazine right? Look at the current home page. Credibility? Journalism? Where, and why would you expect that from a soft-core porn magazine? I'm starting to think that Mr Angelus criticized Maxim without reading it. Definitely feeling a whole "pot/kettle vibe" here.

Mr Angelus then goes on to further call out journalism's apex predator,

What's next? Maxim's concert reviews of shows they never attended, book reviews of books never read and film reviews of films never seen?

I'm going to go with...yes?

The way I see it, the Black Crowes' hay day was something like 17 years ago. First, they should be happy anyone's reviewing anything they're doing, period. Second, since I'm guessing Maxim's average reader was approximately 3 at the time, they shouldn't be too worried that the bad review is going to kill their record (Album? CD?) sales. Just not their target demographic. Honestly, the only angle that makes sense here is that Mr Angelus has figured out that no one's buying this album and that no one cares. So he's decided to try to stir up some controversy to get people talking, and hopefully caring again. And hey it worked, now both of our readers know that the Black Crowes have an album dropping. Bet they didn't know that before right?

Baseball Fever

While traveling last week I watched some of the Roger Clemens Congressional testimony. Oh my was it bad. Not anything about the "issue," rather what was said.

For the record, no fan of Roger am I. Anyone who would sell their wife out, well I say you're not the Greatest American Hero.

But apparently, I'm alone in my lack of Roger worship. Lets look at Congress' words to the man accused of cheating at his sport, tampering with a witness and lying to Congress.

From Rep. William Lacy Clay,

A colleague of mine, Mr. Capuano of Massachusetts, wants to know what uniform you're going to wear to the Hall of Fame.

Yes, I see how that addresses the issues at hand. Excellent and biting questioning Mr. Clay.

Says Rep Virginia Foxx,

You appear to me about the same size in all those photos," offered Foxx, addressing Clemens without mentioning the source of the material. "It doesn't appear [your] size changed much.

Well, that's enough for me. A couple of pictures provided by Mr Clemens show him favorably, and the scientific eye of the Honorable Foxx says "alls good." May as well wrap up.

If only there was some silver lining in all of this for Mr Clemens. Oh, good here's one. From Rep Elanor Norton from DC,

All I can say, Mr. Clemens, is I'm sure you're going to heaven.

Well at least he'll have that.

There's a long speech here about maybe that part of the problem with our country today is that people who can throw a ball real hard reduce the leaders of said country to giddy school girls.

But my favorite is reserved for the Chair, Rep Henry Waxman.

I'm sorry we had the hearing. I regret that we had the hearing.

You and me both brother, you and me both. But I wonder why we had this hearing? Why would Mr Waxman feel compelled to utilize the awesome power of a congressional hearing, spend loads of taxpayer money, and waste his, presumably, valuable time when we're at war, facing a recession, in the midst of a homeowner meltdown, etc. Why, why get involved in a game? Who has the ability to command such an act? Did this come at the behest of the President? From the Speaker of the House? Who? Mr Waxman says it came from an even more powerful figure,

The only reason we had the hearing was because Roger Clemens and his lawyers insisted on it.

So the guy who can throw a ball real hard insisted that the leaders of our nation drop what they're doing right now and listen to him. And they did. Really? Can I do this if I feel wronged? Can I summon a congressional hearing? Can all those homeowners call a hearing? I have real problems with the "Protect America Act" can I demand a hearing? I didn't know we could do that. But I get the feeling "we" can't.

If you'll excuse me, I have to go into a dark room and cry.

Prediction

Been years since she was "polled."